I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.