but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity