Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.