My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.