I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.