They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal