If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled