It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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