Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot