You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.