Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.