I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in