There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.