You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just invented taco cereal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.