Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.