Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with