Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.