he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises