Texts From Last Night

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(817): View more from Texas

matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

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(817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere. http://tfl.nu/fb8z

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(310): View more from California

i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

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(310): i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that. http://tfl.nu/vq6l

Replies (10) Good night (2557) Bad night (503)
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(571): View more from Virginia

dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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(571): dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest http://tfl.nu/nou3

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(804): View more from Virginia

Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.

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(804): Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift. http://tfl.nu/sb1j

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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(609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame

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(517): View more from Michigan

every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot

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(517): every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot http://tfl.nu/9euo

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(516): View more from New York

I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar

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(516): I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar http://tfl.nu/ulgt

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(509): View more from Washington

I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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(509): I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker http://tfl.nu/fgze

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(563): View more from Iowa

his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?

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(563): his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off? http://tfl.nu/hp8b

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(586): View more from Michigan

If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

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(586): If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete. http://tfl.nu/258x

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(760): View more from California

Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

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(760): Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing. http://tfl.nu/culr

Replies (29) Good night (676) Bad night (6019)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

that's how i am about ashleys and britneys

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(320): her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her (1-320): that's how i am about ashleys and britneys http://tfl.nu/ea81

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?

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(617): At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic? http://tfl.nu/efxp

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(865): View more from Tennessee

dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.

(302): View more from Delaware

You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.

(865): View more from Tennessee

They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.

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(865): dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends. (302): You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win. (865): They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/4iwq

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(214): View more from Texas

Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?

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(214): Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college? http://tfl.nu/yctk

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