Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess