I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home