When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.