I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.