The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library