Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.