The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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