Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.