MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"