You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.