Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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