ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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