I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Send us your Text From Last Night!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths