My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick