Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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