Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.