every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere