I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.