Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?