Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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