I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.