After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?