I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.