i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"