Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+