I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.