her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?