her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?