How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.