no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosť, bitch!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.