just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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