could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.