so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.