Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work

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  (313) hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work http://tfl.nu/bjlm
  Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (1585)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.

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  (812): Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support. http://tfl.nu/gdfj
  Replies (1) Good night (1729) Bad night (774)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1199) Bad night (2542)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?

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  (856): There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look? http://tfl.nu/ylkg
  Replies (115) Good night (4879) Bad night (633)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that

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  (917): Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that http://tfl.nu/jdka
  Replies (6) Good night (5572) Bad night (617)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?

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  (256): oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me? http://tfl.nu/06bl
  Replies (20) Good night (1142) Bad night (5673)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

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  (443): There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees. http://tfl.nu/9alk
  Replies (42) Good night (1774) Bad night (6620)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine

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  (+44): The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine http://tfl.nu/6flp
  Replies (12) Good night (1085) Bad night (3761)
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  (408): View more from California

  Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.

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  (408): Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls. http://tfl.nu/x3cf
  Replies (0) Good night (1493) Bad night (590)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

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  (205): I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/mhcf
  Replies (24) Good night (4206) Bad night (925)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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  (914): I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina http://tfl.nu/2aox
  Replies (9) Good night (1266) Bad night (637)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.

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  (801): If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke. http://tfl.nu/6dxv
  Replies (7) Good night (1664) Bad night (591)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.

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  (859): No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too. http://tfl.nu/lxn7
  Replies (9) Good night (810) Bad night (449)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.

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  (814): I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless. http://tfl.nu/288b
  Replies (1) Good night (314) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence

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  (408): that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/qpf7
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (263)

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