It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
