if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.