my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
