dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass