He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."