I am puke
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
