He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.