Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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