i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"