just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
