PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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