They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker