my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Jerry, you need to find god
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
