There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you