my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
