i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.