I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.