she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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