The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell