he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.