Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
