In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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