I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.