Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
