so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.